Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes...
My moto for sometime now has been... choose your battles wisely. Today the narrowminded words of other's is making this a bit difficult for me and I wonder if standing up for someone I don't even know is a battle worth battling... so I sit here biting my lip, reminding myself that there are worse things in the world than narrowminded people who haven't experienced life and never will.
A dear friend of mine has helped me in many ways, ways she can't even begin to imagine. But I am so thankful for her being in my life. She opened my eyes to a lot of things I was doing wrong. Make a difference in places that matter, change what can be changed... and let the rest of the world take care of itself.
Anger that I once had, lack of self love seems to have been altered in someway the past months. Perhaps being 35 is part of it. But I'm happy and working and designing a better future for myself and my family.
I can't save everyone, this is something I've known for a very long time, but parts of me still tried. How I've adapted myself to the new woman I am. How I've taken that love for others and given it to myself is amazing... I wonder if losing the load of all that negative energy has helped me with my weight loss? Since September I've lost nearly 60 pounds now and I'm still going strong. I'm returning to life, I'm only getting younger it seems. I'm becoming myself again and I'm hardly afraid to show it.
Friday will determine a lot of things for my future. I keep thinking positively, that Friday... finally Friday will be the day that will begin the rest of my life. Friday will be the answer to everything I've ever dreamt of. Friday will will bring me... well, the place where my loved one and I can happily grow old together.
A dear friend of mine has helped me in many ways, ways she can't even begin to imagine. But I am so thankful for her being in my life. She opened my eyes to a lot of things I was doing wrong. Make a difference in places that matter, change what can be changed... and let the rest of the world take care of itself.
Anger that I once had, lack of self love seems to have been altered in someway the past months. Perhaps being 35 is part of it. But I'm happy and working and designing a better future for myself and my family.
I can't save everyone, this is something I've known for a very long time, but parts of me still tried. How I've adapted myself to the new woman I am. How I've taken that love for others and given it to myself is amazing... I wonder if losing the load of all that negative energy has helped me with my weight loss? Since September I've lost nearly 60 pounds now and I'm still going strong. I'm returning to life, I'm only getting younger it seems. I'm becoming myself again and I'm hardly afraid to show it.
Friday will determine a lot of things for my future. I keep thinking positively, that Friday... finally Friday will be the day that will begin the rest of my life. Friday will be the answer to everything I've ever dreamt of. Friday will will bring me... well, the place where my loved one and I can happily grow old together.
posted by kleinevos @ 7:40 AM
2 Comments:
At 1:46 PM,
indigojester said…
My darling, I am alive, but I have been (and I am still going) throught the fucking whirlwind myself. Will try to write to you asap. Sorry I am late! I am very happy for you; I suppose you have found a house for you? I LUUUUV you, never forget that.
At 9:18 PM,
Bruno said…
Hello!!
I was reading indigojester's blog once again and I found out your comment in one of her postings. I am a penpal of her too, maybe one of the youger ones (I am turning 21, next Friday (Yeah, the magical Fridays, but I hate my birthdays since I am a lil kid and I have an old photo where you see me crying cause my long lost family was singing happy birthday to me)) and I also love her and I also thank her for so many things. In the last months of her distance, so many things changed on me too, unfortunately, some old ghosts seems to return to bring me down, but I will fight them, like life was the most precious good in my soul.
I am so sorry about invading your blog, but it was a good thing to share. Hopefully, I will give you a smile when you read it!
Narrowminded people always disgusted me and they still do, but I no longer run from them. I have to thank to our good friend E. (indigojester) and to other good friends of mine, bue E. thaught me so many things. Like I said in one conversation with a good friend of mine, while we drank a coffee and smoked a cigarette in the old times when we could smoke freely everywhere, I am a guy who likes to lay down with other guys... Some narrowminded people looked at me like I was an alien, somthing to be destroyed and then, I also said to my friend that I like to shock people. I shock people for fun... Their shocked or scaredface to a different thing or person, makes me laugh widely and I feel good, now I can say it, beig who I am. Thanks to E., I realied I could have a bit of self love and still being me. Not losing my essence for being able to love my self, not losing my ideas, my thoughts, the art I like doing, showing the natural sadness and melancholy of my inner. It'sgood to feel it, it's good being able to show the world I am comfortable with what I am. It's good just because it's good... It's good feeling comfortable with thst and so many other things...
It's good penpalling, it's good singing sad things or happy things in the middle of the street with the mp3 playing loudly, it's good smoking my cigarette on lonely hours, it's good trying to find a boyfriend and feeling depressed because the one we think we love is not the right one... It's good being extremely thin and love our body like a sanctuary... It's good feeling good with so many things, just because it's good to live and feel it!
It's good...!
Smile!! And thanks for let me sharing it with you, just because it's good!
And all hail the weird movies, the horrar movies, the fake blood, and lot's of other things!!
Just because it's good...
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